


Groomsman

by tamagoyaki



Series: What a small, fucked up world we live in. [2]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, ヒプノシスマイク | Hypnosis Mic (Albums)
Genre: Certain Minor Details may differ from Actual XVI., Chances are low though, Do note that this was the deleted Chapter 4, Eh. I may come back to edit it and officialize it, I've never heard of deleted chapters being posted separately. Wow. I'm a trendsetter now., M/M, Maybe this is why all good kids shouldn't post long chapters for experimentation to test reception., Story's different from different POV, Told from Samatoki's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 06:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15723792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamagoyaki/pseuds/tamagoyaki
Summary: Alternative Version to Scene XVI of [Mistext]





	Groomsman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Writing_Frenzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_Frenzy/gifts), [Moonfirekitsune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonfirekitsune/gifts), [wraven881](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wraven881/gifts), [fatealitheia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatealitheia/gifts).



> I would gift this chapter to the following ones who commented on this deleted chapter, namely:  
> 
>     
>     
>     wraven881 ✔️,  
>     > 
>     Moonfirekitsune ✔️,  
>     > 
>     Belladonna_Hive,  
>     > 
>     desikauwa,  
>     > 
>     sairentokun,  
>     > 
>     grimtidings,  
>     > 
>     KuroMegane_Cross,  
>     > 
>     LucyWonderLandMadness,  
>     > 
>     Writing_Frenzy, ✔️  
>     > 
>     fatealitheia, and  
>     > 
>     Yumi014,  
>     > 
>     
> 
> But I'm just not sure if you guys want a rejected chapter to be gifted to you (ㆆᴗㆆ)  
>  Tell me if you don't mind so I can link you, alright?  
>  As for newcomers who hadn't read this chapter... Eh. Don't take it too seriously. Only certain scenes intersect with whatever you've read from Mistext. (And you really should read that one before you come here.)

* * *

(Alternatively)

XVI. Groomsman

* * *

 

“Let me get this straight.”

Samatoki narrows his eyes at the man before him – motherfucking _Xanxus_ , of fucking _Vongola_.

“You want _me_ , a yakuza boss,” Not enough incredulity can seep into his voice. “To be one of your fucking groomsmen for the wedding ceremony between the _Vongola Decimo_ and the _Varia Boss_?” The very air he breathes in is full of incredulity nonetheless. What kind of shit show has his life become?

“That’s right.” Xanxus sips on his wine. He really is drunk 24/7 like the Brat said. “Tsunayoshi doesn’t know about this. So don’t go spilling the beans to him.”

“ _I’m_ your twisted version of a wedding surprise?!” Samatoki spits.

Isn’t it enough that he’s on a plane to Italy?!

Or rather… Samatoki narrows his eyes at the rest of the troupe behind Xanxus. He nods sharply at them.

“You just don’t trust these freaking weirdos to help you gate crash, do you?”

“Shishishi~ What are you saying? The Prince doesn’t think he comprehends.” Prince the Ripper (Samatoki leads the largest crime syndicate in Japan, okay?! It’s only normal that he’d keep track of all threats slipping in and out of Japan’s borders. That said… to think that whiny hairless Sawada is _Sawada Tsunayoshi…_ Goddamn it) sniggers as he pulls out his knives. He’s swiftly interrupted by the toad-hat-donning mist brat squatted by his side.

“Bel-sempai doesn’t comprehend lots of things, so me doesn’t exactly see what’s new about this?” The little mist gains three knives in the back. “Ow. That hurts~ Sempai, could you please stop that~?”

Fuck. And just when Samatoki thought things couldn’t get worse for him. He has to work with these messed-up brats to get this Trash-talking guy to his Brat?

“VOOI! STOP FIGHTING ALREADY, YOU BABY SUBORDINATES! You’re giving a bad impression to our newbie!” The long-haired swordsman whacks them both over the head. (“Shishishi… I’m not a baby though.” “That hurts, Strategy Commander Squalo. I’m filing for abuse.”) Sword Emperor glares at him. “You’re joining us, right? _Stupid scum._ ” He spits, blue eyes narrowing.

Oh great. Not another one.

Samatoki rolls his eyes.

“You’ve got me freaking surrounded miles up from ground level.” He points out sharply, leaning back against the chair they plopped him in. (And mind you, he’s still fucking tied up around the waist.) “Do I even have a fucking choice?”

“In that case, is that a ‘yes’ then~♡?” Lussuria hums.

Samatoki stops to contemplate. Eyeing the unruly gang of assassins who are definitely not going to pass any tests given by an ordinary girl’s bridesmaids, much less the ones given by _Vongola Decimo_ ’s, he decides it might be best to participate so as to spare himself of the complains Brat will undoubtedly be texting him when they fail. And when they fail, at least Samatoki can shove the excuse of ‘I’ve tried’ in the brat’s face.

With that in mind, he shrugs.

“Sure. Why the hell not?”

(In retrospect, he doesn’t know what the hell he’s getting into.)

 

* * *

 

Also, when Sushi-Brat said ‘soon’, Samatoki never asked how soon is ‘soon’.

“Oh my, didn’t Decimo dear tell you~?” Fusses the peacock. “It’s in approximately twenty-four hours! We’re actually on our way to gate-crash the Vongola HQ right now~♡!”

“… _Fuck._ ”

(That was his first hint of the insanity soon to come.) (He really should have anticipated the Crazy to have gotten to the Sushi-Brat by now.)

 

* * *

 

 _“Erm… Aaah… my stomach hurts… do I really have to do this – WAIT, PLEASE DON’T SHOOT, REBORN-SAN-! I get it. I’ll do it. I just have to read this aloud, right? Ahem—”_ The speakers rumble.

There are many a times where Samatoki stops to contemplate his life choices. Things like, say, ever forming The Dirty Dawg with that bunch of fucked up bastards. (Not that he himself isn’t one.) Or per say, replying to a text about omelettes in the middle of the evening. Hell, even getting the fucking Varia Boss together with Vongola Decimo is one decision that’d require one whole sleepless night to think about. (He just formed the deadliest couple in the underground world. Yep. He’s not going to touch that one with a mile-long stick.)

And then, there is the present.

Samatoki wonders what the hell he’s doing, standing some hundred metres away from the fences with Varia of all possible motherfucking organizations, getting ready to break into Vongola HQ.

It’s the brat, for certain.

Not a single moment of his life’s been peaceful since the moment he replied to that message.

(Not that, and he’d never admit this, he regrets a single moment of it after the Brat talked him through that rainy day. He’s the only one who stayed through those terrible mornings despite how fucked up Samatoki is. And he’s getting fucking married. Why _the fuck_ is he standing on this side of the battlefield, really? Is mutiny still an option?)

 _“H-Hold your horses, you Varia Scum! We’ll never let you through_ _our gates and let you get our precious Decimo—”_

“VOOOOOOI! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING SCUM, YOU SCUM?!” Superbi Squalo’s lung capacity rivals three of Jyuto’s.

It’s at that exact moment that Samatoki’s phone chimes. Speak of the devil. He picks up the call from Jyuto.

“Ah? Jyuto, huh. I’m alright over here—”

_“H-Hngh… My stomach hurts… Who was it?! The one who got Gokudera-san to write out this speech?”_

_“Heheh~ I wonder who it is~”_

_“Byakuran… it’s you again, huh.”_

[ _“…I highly doubt you’re alright unless being caught by a bungee rope is an everyday event to you.”_ ] The cop says dryly. Samatoki hears the familiar clinking of his glasses being shifted upwards, dubious at the noise trickling over. [ _“More importantly, what was that just now? I trust that you’re in safe hands? Where were you brought to?”_ ]

What is he? His keeper or something?

“Italia.” Samatoki rolls his eyes but answers bluntly.

[ _“…Italia?”_ ] Jyuto’s tone is rightfully wary.

_“But, you see~ Isn’t it just fitting for this war to start off with the right-hand-man’s speech~?”_

_“Well, you could say that again—”_

“VOOOI! STOP YOUR GODDAMN FLIRTING AND GET THE FUCK ON WITH THIS ALREADY, IRIE SHOICHI! DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING LONG WE’VE BEEN WAITING OUT HERE?! AAAAH?!”

A frightened yelp comes across the speakers.

“Italia.” Samatoki confirms, half-resigned to this.

_“A-Anyways! The rules of this gate-crashing is simple!”_

“I can’t really explain this whole bullshit... but let’s just say I’ll be back in a few days.”

_“You just have to bypass all ten of our gatekeepers and get to the Tenth!”_

“Anyway, it’s getting kind of crazy here so I’m hanging up.”

[ _“Wai—” BEEP._ ]

_“With the count of three – One, two…THREE-!”_

An airhorn blows. Fireworks sound out somewhere in the mansion. What in the fucking hell?!

Samatoki swivels, barely managing to keep his stance firm when the _bloody ground begins rumbling below them like a fucking earthquake_.

What the fuck? What the absolute fuck!? His eye’s twitching like rapid fire. And that _sound_ – What the-? Is something coming for them?!

“VOI! GET GOING ALREADY, NEWBIE!” A whole lot of sakura-scented white locks beat in his face. Samatoki sputters. He’s _so_ going to chop off the fucker’s hair… Squalo turns to screech back at him. “YOU DON’T WANNA STAY IF IT’S THOSE BRATS’ DOING!”

What…

Shadows loom over him. Xanxus turns and blasts whatever it is behind Samatoki. (“Don’t drag us down, you Scum.”) Dirt crumbles over his shoulders. Samatoki swivels around and _looks_.

It’s a bunch of fucking boulders ten times the size of him. There’s a fucking silhouette in the distance standing at the top of the closest mountain to Vongola HQ, fists glowing hot yellow with sun flames and white hair fluttering atop his head. The fucktard’s half naked, lifting the next boulder and—

_“EXTREME TRAINING!”_

It’s _lurched_ at them.

Samatoki spins on his heels and runs.

_Damn that fucking brat and his fucked up friends…!_

He’s definitely taking his revenge on the Sushi-Brat’s wallet when he’s back in his homeland. Takesushi for all his gang. All three meals, for the next five years. _Fuck._ Not even that seems sufficient as a revenge!

 

* * *

 

A dynamite drops down on them, random as _fuck._ The first to react is unsurprisingly the Sword Emperor, who’d been leading them through the mansion in what he assumes is a familiar path to Sawada.

“GET DOWN!” Squalo screeches, batting aside the dynamite with his sword.

A grey-haired Brat shows up with storm flames burning, a leopard by his side, tonnes – and by tonnes, Samatoki means _tonnes_ – of fucking dynamites strapped onto his body. He’s crying, screeching things Samatoki can’t make out, green eyes swollen and red and looking for all the world like a suicide bomber. Seeing that, what else can Samatoki do but call out, really?

“OI! DON’T BE RECKLESS!” Samatoki cups his mouth. “JUST BECAUSE THE SUSHI-BRAT IS FUCKING THIS TRASH, IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!”

“VOI! WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL OUR BOSS, YOU FUCKER?!” Squalo points his sword arm at him.

“Yakuza Scum.” Xanxus merely scoffs.

And the Brat drops his jaw, spluttering.

“TAKESHI IS WHAT-?!” Who the fuck is Takeshi, even?! “That bastard…” The grey-haired Brat’s hands shake around his dynamites. His head is lowered. “TO BE FUCKING CHEATING ON THE TENTH LIKE THAT…! BOTH YOU AND THE BASEBALL BASTARD CAN GO TO HELL! STARTING WITH YOU!” His dynamites are sliced to little bits by the Knife Brat. The creepy laughter sounds out.

“Take care of him, Bel.” Xanxus says smoothly, as if tossing one of the bride’s fucking bridesmaids – distraught and shaking – onto his groomsman is an everyday thing.

Samatoki thinks the world might be really fucked up when he follows, hearing the Knife Brat’s voice drift to the distance.

(“Shishishi! Calm, _Puppy_ , or the Prince might really have to carve you up!”

“Who the fuck are you calling a puppy, you fake prince?! Go play with your barbies if you wanna continue living in your fantasy land!”

“ _Ka-ching!_ You’re really a disagreeable one, aren’t you? That settles it. You’re not getting away unscathed!”

“Fine by me!”

Ensue more earthquakes limited to this mansion and the sound of drawing wires.)

As they are racing through the mansion, Squalo throws his head back to them and directs a seething glare at Xanxus.

“VOI, YOU SHITTY BOSS…! WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS COMPLICATED BY TAKING THAT BASEBALL BRAT TO BED?!” He waves his sword arm at the man. “IF VARIA IS RUINED AFTER THIS, I’M PINNING THE BLAME ON YOU!”

“I never fucked the boy.” Xanxus rolls his eyes.

“THEN WHAT?!” Squalo tosses them both a bewildered look.

Xanxus remains silent. Samatoki would answer, if not for their next obstacle swallowing them up.

 

* * *

 

Samatoki pulls out his mic before the trash-scum could tell him to. He has quite enough of illusionists after bouncing up and down from a copter, hanging from a rope, really. 

> 
>     Come! Come if you have the balls?
>     
>     
>     Fools who underestimate me will be shut down
>     
>     
>     Say as much as you can before I screw you up
>     
>     
>     Die here in the wilderness, it’s your death day!”
>     
>     
>     - [Mad Trigger Crew, Drama CD, 09:12](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DENvC-Rzdo&t=554s)

_Tempesta_ scorches his throat. It’s been a long fucking while since he last had to activate his flames. (Still got a while before that fucking battle against Yamada Ichiro and his division…) He eyes the little mist by the side and Fran takes the hint to use the opportunity granted to launch an assault on the unknown illusionist. The heterochromic bastard (and fuck if that doesn’t sting) looks strangled when he’s pulled out of wavering thin air by Xanxus. Even this bastard has his own creepy laugh to go with everything, as all Vongola people does.

“Kufufu… I suppose I’m caught. And so? What do you intend to do with me?”

A flicker of black appears in the distance.

“Just this.” Xanxus sneers.

Blue and red eyes bulge when the fucker’s tossed in the direction of said black streak. Two men crash through the wall, one made into the unwilling cushion of the fucker. Xanxus snorts and takes one glance at them before he leaves.

“You sure that’s enough to bring them down? They look like persistent bastards.” The Illusionist, especially. (Reminds him far too much of Ramuda.)

“If you’re so concerned, you could always go join them.” Xanxus smirks.

It’s then that the room behind them _explodes_. How the fuck do they do that with just illusions and tonfas-?! Samatoki turns at what could only be a wrong moment and sees the raven lurching himself forward to snap his teeth tight over the nape of the Illusionist, attempting to tear it off. The little fucker seems plenty pleased about that too.

Samatoki turns back to the front, shuddering.

“If that’s their version of hate sex, I’d rather not join in, thank you.” What are they? In heat? He thinks he understands more of the Sushi-Brat’s pain now.

The trash-scum just continues to smirk on in amusement.

 

* * *

 

There’re fucking kids before them, three goddamn minors.

Seriously? Just…seriously? Samatoki’s no stranger to taking in kids for the sake of raising them right. That said, he has to wonder who the fuck thought it’d be proper to hand the cow-print brat a sparkling ring with a box that contains a buffalo. Oh, and why he has to be paired up with one martial arts brat and one gravity-defying brat holding them captive in the air.

“Guhaha! You’ve all got to answer my questions right before you can pass!” The eleven-year-old laughs. “Alright~! First question! What’s the great me’s favourite food?”

“Lambo! Wrong question!” The Chinese brat corrects. “The focus is on Tsuna-nii!”

Well, at least they’re actually doing a proper gate-crashing game.

Or so he thinks, till Leviathan gets in over his ugly mug for a head and answers the wrong fucking occupation Sawada’s mother had before her marriage to an “asshole”.

The lightning brat who’d been bored all the while, rattling off questions with a finger reaching in to dig for a booger (Seriously?), gets all excited and actually jumps up to his feet, pointing at his box weapon.

“GYUUDON!”

“Guwah!” Leviathan gasps, spurting blood when the lightning-reinforced points of the bull slams in. Nobody releases sympathetic sounds. Samatoki’s honestly more concerned with the fact that the cow-patterned brat named his bull-for-a-partner _Beef Bowl_. He wonders what that says about cannibalism and cows. “T-There’s no need to worry, Boss…! I’ll tighten my gut and keep this thing from attacking you!” Right. You go do that.

“Next! Tsuna-Nii has three younger siblings and their names are?!” Lambo asks cheerfully.

Fran, who’s being asked this question, takes a long look at all three brats and hums contemplatively.

“Oh. I don’t know how to answer this one.” Lie. “Can me be made a special exception to skip and go straight to the punishment?”

“Sure!” Lightning Brat beams, feeding his _Gyuudon_ more flames.

“U-Urgh… Fran! How dare you…?!” Levi hisses, tightening up his stomach muscles all the more. The lightning hitches up his electrocution and he screeches. God awful noises, really. Samatoki wishes he’d shut up already. He’d already been too noisy to Samatoki over the flight here. (Like an old hag fussing over her kid, except his kid is fucking _Xanxus_.) The motherfucker deserves it, he’d say.

“Next—”

“Punishment for me too, sweetheart~!” Lussuria beams.

“Alright!”

“PUWAH!!!”

“Next—”

“Go for it.” Samatoki smirks.

“Yosh!”

“GH-! Y-You bastards…!” Oh, his feet’s moving. Wouldn’t be much of a shield now if he fails to stop the bull from getting to Xanxus at the next round, will he?

“Next—”

“VOOI! JUST SPARE US THE TIME AND SWITCH TO YOUR MAXIMUM ALREADY! COUNT ALL THE QUESTIONS WRONG!”

“WHAT?!” The octopus squeaks. “Squalo, you—”

“Lambo, don’t-!” Chinese Brat squeals. But the Lightning Brat’s already charging in all he’s got.

“G-G-GYAAAAARGH!” Leviathan lights up with like a Christmas Tree. Oh, that’s impressive. For a moment there, Samatoki almost pities him, but then he’s swiftly reminded of how the hulk of a man had eyed the tiny Lightning Brat with jealousy, trying to snide him whilst shielding Xanxus away. And how he did the same to Samatoki too, snooping around his room back on the plane for Xanxus’ private number on _his_ cell phone, peeking into his bathroom to ‘check on his competition’, demanding to know everything he and Sawada spoke about with Xanxus…

Fuck pity, the perverted bastard should just die a long and painful death.

“B-Boss.” There’s a twitch of a boot as they calmly walk away.

(“What should we do with this?” The oldest kid can be heard questioning.

“Mmmh… Gyuudon, you can have him if you’re hungry!”

The bull’s snorting can be heard. Not even the bull wants a pervert, it seems.)

 

* * *

 

More games like these go on.

There are two girls who ask Xanxus to list out ten things he loves about “Tsuna-kun!” Xanxus doesn’t hesitate to spill. You’ve got it admit it takes balls to talk about how much he loves the way Sawada ruffle his hair when he thinks he’s asleep. (He’s a man.) On the side note, Samatoki might have to bleach his mind of all the unnecessary things he’s learnt about the Brat’s sexual appetite.

There are two family bosses – Chiavallone and Shimon respectively – attending as the alliance’s representatives, who test them on _cross-dressing_. _The fuck?!_  (“You owe me a hell lot after this, Trash-bastard…” Samatoki seethes as he pulls on a plaited skirt. Xanxus scoffs and throws him a credit card. “Blow yourself out.”) (“It’d be far more preferable to sign a contract for the protection of the sanctity of _The Saint of Sky_ , really, but it’s not like we can do that in this auspicious occasion.” The Chiavallone’s smile is unapologetic. “So, we went for some bonding activity that’d boost our inter-famiglia relations.” Inter-famiglia relations his ass! Samatoki sees that wink and blown kiss Lussuria sends the Bosses’ way. That chuckle the sky’s giving is _not_ helping.)

There’s another Mist who asks to be let into Varia Boss’ mind. (“You sure about that? It’s a dark place.” Samatoki warns offhandedly, to everyone’s surprise. The shy lady’s smile is grateful but also resolved. “I’m sure. I’ll do it, if it’s for Boss’ sake!” Samatoki revises his opinion of her.) Her soft smile when she pulls away is a good sign. Samatoki squints at Xanxus. So he’s _not_ going to hurt his brat afterall.

And finally…

“VOI! If it isn’t the stupid brat!” Squalo roars, readying his sword.

There’s a brat before them dressed in the white robes of the sushi chef Samatoki’s grown all too familiar with. His _blade_ , his _clothes_ , his _stance_ – Samatoki chokes on his breath when he sees that familiar emblem embedded in the left side of his uniform, right over his chest. _Fuck._ If ‘Sushi-Brat’s a title that he can’t even retain anymore, what does he even have left to call his texting not-buddy? (That fucking disrespectful kid is _not_ a buddy. No self-respecting yakuza has a buddy.) (Or rather, is this the one that other greying Brat thought he was mentioning-?!)

“Yo, Squalo, and the guys from Varia!” The kid laughs in a clear manner that’s childish and unbefitting for his age. (He’s not a minor, right?) “So, you guys have finally come up this far!”

“Sword Scum.” Xanxus ignores the screech Squalo makes at how their nicknames overlap. “No longer thirsting after my life, are you?” Xanxus’ lips curl upwards.

“Well. You can say it’s something like that.” The boy smiles serenely, but there’s an edge in his eyes that’s not too different from Ramuda and his diabetic smiles. He looks down gracefully at his blade. “This is Tsuna’s choice, and he rarely ever makes decisions that are selfish. If he decides he wants this, what else can I do but to accept it as it is?” He laughs again. How much is he going to laugh?

“Scum.” Xanxus smirks.

The boy’s smile is upbeat.

“Come on and take a seat then, Varia! My Pops has always told me the least I can do for someone I like is to treat them to my cooking! It’ll have to be blindfolded since this _is_ a game. Guess half of them right and I’ll let you through!”

A kick goes up to Samatoki’s back. “What the—” He splutters as he goes down, barely recovering his steps to avoid hitting his head on the edge of the table. The Rain kid’s peering down at him with bewildered milky brown eyes when he looks up. Samatoki’s spitting curses and insults as he turns to the other groomsman and the stupid fucking groom he’s here for.

“What the fuck was that for?!”

“You’re our sacrificial piece for the Sushi Brat.” Xanxus rolls his eyes. Like the easy way they left behind the Knife Brat and the Octopi Pervert. “I bet the Sword Scum would poison you with wasabi or vinegar.” He smirks.

“Hah?!” Samatoki already has a blindfold being tugged over his eyes by Lussuria before he could argue.

“Now, now~♡ Let’s be cooperative, shall we?”

“Wait a mom—” Something’s shoved into his mouth before he finishes his statement. Samatoki’s gonna bash all their brains out at the end of this. …Except… Except… The sushi’s actually _good_.

He chews contemplatively, savouring the flavour. It’s familiar, yet it’s not. None of the Takesushi chains he’d eaten at had this feeling of… _minty freshness_ , that bubbles in and settles lightly in his guts. He mumbles the name of the sushi he’s just eaten, and the next thing he knows, he’s being fed more fish and rice by the apparently original Sushi-Brat, culinary skills far beyond the fake Takesushi he’s been eating all this while. (Bloody hell. How the fuck is he going to get himself off of this now?)

The brat dares to laugh when his blindfold is taken off. Blue flames skitter off the side of his blade where they’d been contained, trailing into nothing.

“Consider this Takesushi’s thanks for your boys, Oyabun-san!” The Sword Brat smiles delightedly. “Hopefully, this will help you out in your future rap battles, yeah?” He grins.

Samatoki’s just about to snap a retort when he’s hauled off the seat by Xanxus.

“Let’s go. No time for your meaningless conversations.”

Samatoki rolls his eyes.

The Varia boss just can’t spare a moment from fucking his Brat.

“Come find me in Yokohama someday, Sushi-Brat the Second! _Or else._ ” It comes off as more of a threat than anything, but hey, he’s got limited time here.

The brat’s airy laughter as he’s physically carried out of sight tells him of a ‘maybe’, or a ‘sure’. (“Who is the first?” Takeshi throws at Squalo, amused. “Who the fuck even knows?! I’m going!”) And that’s good enough for Samatoki, so he focuses his attention on the last boss.

 

* * *

 

There’s a suited man standing before the grand doors of an office. He’s poised. He’s ready. And he smiles in spite of the little mist’s attempts to hide them, easily picking up their presence. Samatoki’s nerves are on the edge around him, that instinct from long ago back when he’s still a lackey warning – _Strong. He’s strong. Look out for him. Suck up to him. Gather strength from what pieces you can pick up from him. And then, beat him down when he’s off guard._ Don’t judge. It’s how Samatoki had climbed his way up the ranks, with his mic. (No one’s born as fucking talented as Yamada Ichiro. It’s one of the many reasons why he hates that brat so much.)

“Have you brought it? An item that’d make Tsuna as happy as his family? That was my final test given.” The man says curtly, as if they’re continuing a conversation that started elsewhere. His eyes are shadowed by his fedora. Unreadable.

“Yeah.” Xanxus shrugs, turning marginally to smirk at Samatoki then. “I’ve brought him.”

Samatoki blinks. He narrows his eyes. What the fuck are they saying-? A _thing_ that can make Sawada as happy as his family—?

The hitman levels him with a passive look.

Samatoki stiffens.

“…Hmph.” He huffs, turning away. “Dame-Tsuna has always been too easy to please with people.”

“Being a sore loser’s not befitting you, _Dad._ ” Xanxus mocks with a sneer.

“Don’t call me that. He’s inside.” The suited man jabs a thumb at the door, a flicker of a smirk crossing his face. “He’s restrained, to prevent that intuition of his from interfering during your gate-crashing. Take good care of my student, Xanxus.” _Or else._ Appears to go unspoken. He struts away, looking smart but busy with the itinerary he pulls out of nowhere.

“What the fuck was _that_ about.” Samatoki not so much asks as he demands, quirking a brow at the Varia Boss.

“It’s just that, Yakuza Scum.” Xanxus explains irritably. “Tsunayoshi’s tutor gave me the task to get something that’d please him as much as famiglia when I proposed. You’re one of them.”

“ _Things_ , though.” Samatoki huffs. It offends him more than he can explain.

“VOI! What’re you all upset about?” Squalo prods him with the blunt edge of his sword. “It’s a goddamn honour.”

“Sama-sama is now one of the few things in this world that Vongola does not owe but which pleases Vongola Decimo as much as his own famiglia~! That’s akin to what Chiavallone Famiglia’s alliance was to Primo, or what France was to Secondo, or what the copyright ownership of William Shakespear’s works was to Quinto.” Lussuria beams down at him. Samatoki was about to murmur a thanks at the bastard for the explanation when it sinks in.

“Don’t call me Sama-sama!” He hisses.

“On the flipside, it also means Sama-sama’s as cheap as a wooden fork to Vongola Quarto.” Fran deadpans.

“Don’t rub it in!” These bastards are really just…

Ignoring them, the Varia Boss of course charges in.

 

* * *

 

“Sawada Tsunayoshi.” Xanxus pushes open the gigantic doors with a flair.

The dark room finds a single Mafia Boss on his chair, tied down with numerous chains and ribbons and ropes and – Samatoki wants to roar with laughter at all these stupid antics of Italy’s biggest underworld organization because – What the fuck are they doing? Do they _seriously_ have to tie down their own boss in order to carry out a normal wedding? And here he thought it was a fucking joke.

“mhphphphh!” Screams the Mafia Boss, mouth bounded by a silk ribbon. (Silk. Really? What did they think the brat was gonna do with the trash-bastard after he’s found?)

Xanxus strides forward, making a gesture for Samatoki to stay hidden, and picks up the brat with a hand to his cheek.

A smirk spreads across his lips.

“What. You don’t look so bad this way either, begging for me in this manner.”

“MPFHGH?!” Poor Brat looks almost pitiful with his bulging eyes and wriggling.

“Do that kind of stuff _after_ the ceremony, will you!?” Samatoki snaps, strutting forth. He’s no bitch of Varia. He’s got no need to listen to the Trash-bastard. “Just release the damsel for now. I’ve still got plenty of things to say to him.”

Brown eyes are slow to take him in, but they brighten with realization as the Trash-bastard unties his gag. (Holy shit. He really makes the brat as happy as his family.)

“Samatoki-san—”

“ _Sama,_ Brat. I hope you’re into bondage because that’s what’s gonna happen if you don’t change your honorific.” Samatoki snaps, smacking a hand over his mouth.

The trash-bastard doesn’t smirk, but there’s an approving glint in his eyes that tells of yet another nightmare about to happen. (A confirmation, perhaps. Or the revelation of a preference for something worse. That game with the two bitches already revealed they’re into _Flame Sex_ , for fuck’s sake.)

Samatoki shoots him a wry look to make him shut up and finally, gazes at the horrified brown eyes looking up at him.

He whistles.

“With all that said. Wow. This image’s really a nice one.”

The Brat slumps like a puppet with its strings cut; as if he’s been betrayed by the world.

Trash-bastard has the nerve to quirk a brow half-challengingly, half-contemplatively – and Samatoki decides to interrupt him before he proposes a threesome suspended in mid-air.

“Surprise, Sushi-Brat. I’m here.” He smirks. Then scowls. “You owe me for not telling me about the other Sushi-Brat that’s here.” He made a fool out of him, god damn it.

Sawada makes a face like he’s dying of guilt when he pulls his hand off.

“Samatoki-sama—”

Oh, no he doesn’t.

“Spare me from all that Danger bullshit, will you?” Samatoki rolls his eyes with a grumble. “We’re both members of the underworld. Nothing surprises me anymore.”

Except Vongola Famiglia, of course. Still, Sawada looks like he wants to cry a little.

“But—”

“Stuff it. Do you actually want me to hit you?” Samatoki hisses.

“I’d feel better if you hit me actually. It’s not even the first day since you found out and you’re already in so much danger—”

Samatoki whacks him over the head. Lussuria hums in appreciation.

“OW!” The Brat squeaks, holding his head in pain.

“With that, we’ll call it even.” Samatoki growls at the Brat, a smirk coming to his face as he remembers the first time he said that in a text.

They’ve come so far. The fucking brat’s getting _married_ for fuck’s sake. (No, Samatoki’s not _tearing_.) He ruffles the brat’s head and pulls him up by the hair so he’s probably looking at him.

“This is your big day, and I’m fucking here to celebrate it with you.” The brat looks appropriately moved. Samatoki smiles. “So, just calm your shit down and go have some smexy sex to reward your soon-to-be asshole of a husband, will you?”

He tosses the brat at the trash-bastard. (Trash-Scum does kind of deserve it after having fought his way through, got his dirty laundry aired out, threatened, and ego entirely demolished by the fucking _skirt._ Samatoki will be kind enough to spare them an hour or two.)

“S-Samatoki-sama?!” The kid screams, half-bewildered, half-frightened because of the way his partner’s eyeing his reward.

“I’m not joining you guys.” He deadpans as he takes a step out with Varia.

“Why did you think of _that_?!” Wails the brat as the doors close. Neat last words.

“Now then,” Samatoki takes out a cigar, lighting it with his flames. “Does anyone mind telling me what the fuck are the duties of a groomsman?”

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of thanks to those who have commented on this before! I'm glad if I made at least you guys smile with this! Hopefully, you guys will still / have enjoyed the new C4 -- enough to forgive me for deleting this anyways. Really, thanks a lot for having taken the time to type your comments in. (I'm squirreling them away in my email, like I am with my tiny attention-seeking heart.) I'm sorry for having misled you guys with this 'false' C4.


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